


It’s a waste to have all this meat and not enough bone

by LightningHaski



Category: Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - Mental Institution, Cuddling & Snuggling, Eating Disorder Recovery, Eating Disorders, Everyone has one, First Kiss, First Meetings, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pet Names, Purging, Therapy, this is kinda sad, various eating disorders
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-20
Updated: 2019-04-10
Packaged: 2019-11-01 06:44:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17862329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LightningHaski/pseuds/LightningHaski
Summary: He didn’t believe it. They were lying to him. But all the signs were there, it’s just no one paid attention until it really mattered.(Going on hiatus for a bit while I re-write some chapters to not be boring and more realistic)





	1. They Were Wrong

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning  
> Eating disorders - throughout obviously 
> 
>  
> 
> Here’s what everyone has:  
> Tyler - EDNOS  
> Josh - orthorexia  
> Ryan - anorexia and binge eating  
> Brendon - bulimia  
> Dallon - anorexia and bulimia  
> Pete - orthorexia  
> Patrick - bulimia  
> Gerard - anorexia and orthorexia  
> Frank - EDNOS and bulimia  
> Mikey - anorexia

It started off small. He had always liked basketball so it never really occurred to his family that he was spending so much time in the garden exercising to make 500 shots before dinner everyday, that it would ultimately lead to him collapsing a year later.

It started off small. When he would refuse to eat certain foods because of the high fat contents or the amount of calories in each meal. So it never occurred to his family that he was too thin to function until he was rushed into hospital a year later.

It had started off small. When he started to skip meals deciding instead to continue shooting baskets until his mother told him to go to bed because he had school in the morning. It never occurred to his family that he was starving himself until he had a feeding tube shoved down his throat and was being referred to a special clinic for people like him, a year later.

||-//

Tyler didn’t have it. He refused to believe what they said. He wanted to scream at them and tell them how wrong they were but it was a little difficult when you had a tube shoved down your throat just so that you would eat. 1500 calories were going into him. 1500 calories were poisoning him.

They were still wrong as his parents signed the necessary paperwork to have him transferred to the High Bridge Clinic. And a week later he was off to the middle of no where in Ohio, thankfully without the feeding tube still in him. 

His family got out of the car and helped him with his things. His sister Maddie was holding onto his hand as they walked into the clinic. Now this wasn’t any ordinary clinic, no this was and clinic for those who suffered from an eating disorder. Which Tyler would like to point out he did not suffer from, they were just lying.

“Name please?” The receptionist ask, she clearly didn’t want to be there anymore.

“Tyler Joseph.” His mom replied for him.

“Okay, a nurse will be here soon to take Mr Joseph to his room.” The receptionist, Debby, Tyler looked at her name tag, heaved a sigh and pressed a button off to her right.

“Thank-you.” His mother said, pulling Tyler and his siblings over to the waiting area.

It wasn’t long before a blonde haired nurse came out the door that clearly pointed to the part of the clinic Tyler would be in. The clinic was split in half but met in the middle on the right hand side after walking in the entrance was the boys area and to the left was the girls. According to the leaflets the hospital gave to his family both genders shared the cafeteria at meal times and also used the Rec room together during free time, therapy was separate because the girls were competitive when it came to weight.

“You must be Tyler, correct?” The blonde woman, Jenna, asked. Tyler simply nodded. “Come with me after saying goodbye to you family, I’ll be waiting by the door.” She pointed in the direction of the door she had just come out of and Tyler turned to his family to say bye.

“We’ll miss you, baby. Get better so you can join us again soon.” His mom didn’t hug him she only held his hands and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

His dad simply nodded and didn’t say anything, laying a hand on his mother’s shoulder and pulling her away. 

“I’ll miss you big bro.” Zack pulled him into a hug and then let go just as fast like he had been burned.

“I’ll miss you, Ty. Please get better.” Maddie kissed his cheek then hugged him, she seemed to be the only one able to hold him for longer than a millisecond. Zack pulled her away before it could last any longer.

“Bye Ty, come back soon.” Jay just high fives him and turned around to head back to their family. 

Tyler smiled and waved as his family abandoned him in this hell hole for god knows how long and turned around to where the nurse, Jenna, his mind supplied him with, was waiting for him.

“You ready to go?” Tyler nodded.

She smiled and swiped her card on the scanner waiting for the click signalling the door had open.

“There is a schedule of when everything is waiting on the bed for you. You will be told in the morning if you have individual therapy and at what time it is. It is recommended that you do not get into relationships with other patients, though that hasn’t actually stopped any of them. And there are rules you must read through regarding meal time, which will also be waiting on the bed for you. And you will have a roommate so there’s that to look out for as well.”

As they approached his room he took note of what number it was, room 21. 

“Okay here we are. If you have any questions you can always find me or one of the other nurses.” And with that she turned around to leave.

Tyler opened the door to his room and saw that one half of the room was filled with band posters on the wall and an electric drum kit tucked away in the corner. As Tyler observed the band posters he noticed that his roommate had the same taste in music as he did, which was lucky because at least he knew that he’d be able to get along with his roommate.

Tyler decided to unpack his things before he looked over any of the pieces of paper he was given. When he was finished putting all his clothes away he left his favourite hoodie out on his bed and took off the one he currently had on to change it.

As he was just about the pick the fresh one up the door slammed open. And the person who did it stopped in his tracks and raked his eyes up his body, almost in a judgmental way. There was nothing wrong with him though.

“Sorry dude, didn’t realise I was getting my new roommate today. I was told you wouldn’t be here until tomorrow.” The boy walked over to his side of the room and sat down on the bed. He was still trailing his eyes over Tyler’s body.

Tyler quickly grabbed his hoodie and pulled it on over his head and ignored the boys attempt at conversation. He decided he was going to have a look over at the papers he was told to read, completely drowning the boy out (if he was even still talking) until he was hit on the head with a drumstick.

“What’s your name?” The boy asked. Tyler didn’t want to respond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have never been to an IN patient ED clinic so this isn’t based off of my own experience just from what I’ve seen in documentaries and other peoples experience on YouTube
> 
> Oh yay look at that I’ve started another fic and guess what it’s chaptered too 
> 
> When will it end? When will I stop writing Tyler with and eating disorder? When will I learn to start a new fic after I’ve finsihed one? 
> 
> I guess these questions will never have answers
> 
> Who is Tyler’s roommate? And why did I not describe him?  
> I guess we’ll never know, at least until I get around to writing the next chapter


	2. I Don’t Like You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning  
> Possible panic attack

To say Tyler wasn’t having the most thrilling day ever would be the understatement of a century. He got released from hospital, only to just go home pack his stuff up before his family abandoned him at this ED clinic and now his new roommate just threw a drumstick at his head.

“Come on! What’s your name? I don’t have all day.” Oh no he looked angry.

“It’s Tyler.” Tyler voice was barely audible.

The boy walked over and grabbed his drumstick before tossing it onto his bed and then getting into Tyler’s face.

“Let’s make this clear, I don’t like you.” And with that his roommate turned and walked out the door of their shared room.

Tyler had no idea what he had done to make the other boy hate him already. Also what the heck he never even said his name back. Tyler decided to just ignore the strange encounter and instead went back to reading his rules.

||-//

It wasn’t long until meal time came around. Tyler wasn’t looking forward to it, the first rule he had read was that no one could leave the table until all the food had left their plate and you couldn’t wear jackets or long sleeved shirts whilst you were in there in case you were hiding food.

Tyler reluctantly pulled his hoodie off, he couldn’t stand the sight of his arms. They were too fat and pudgy and his skin was deathly pale which made him gag every time he saw it. He looked sick but he definitely didn’t have what was required to be here.

Tyler pulled his eyes away from his arms and headed out his room. Thankfully it wasn’t too hard to find the cafeteria since the clinic had everything labelled well. When he approached the cafeteria there was a line outside as people got searched to make sure they weren’t wearing anything they could hide food in. He noticed that all the girls had their hair tied up in a bun, that was also a rule.

Tyler joined the back of the queue and waited it out until it was his turn. He could hear his roommate talking further down the line and an even louder voice replying to him. Despite eating disorders being known as a ‘girls illness’ there were probably more boys here than there were girls, from what Tyler could tell going off the line.

Finally Tyler makes it to the front and is approved so he’s let in to go and get some food. He doesn’t see the point of eating really, logically he knows that food gives you energy but another part of him is saying that food is poisoned and shouldn’t be trusted and that his body is saying they can survive without it.

He grabs his tray once he gets to the food bay and goes to sit down, he was informed by doctors before going that his meal plan would consist of foods that would get him to 1500 calories everyday. He’d be on this plan for a month if all went well, then it would be pushed up to 2000 calories. He never really counted calories before in order to lose weight, he did it because he had to watch his diet for basketball. Less calories meant he’d be able to play for longer.

“Hey new kid. You need to move, you’re in our place.” Tyler looked up to the very loud voice he had heard in the line earlier. He saw his roommate behind the other boy.

“Brendon it’s fine. Leave the coward alone.” His roommate sneered at him. Tyler’s never felt like crying so much in his life before. _Why did everyone hate him?_

“Nah J, he needs to know his place.” Brendon was harsh. ‘J’ just gave him an evil look behind his back before sighing and sitting down opposite Tyler.

“Brendon sit down.” He looked incredulous but followed what ‘J’ had said. They started eating in silence, Tyler just stared down at his food.

“So new kid what eating disorder do you have?” Tyler’s head snapped up at that, Brendon’s attitude had just done a complete 180.

“I don’t have one.” Tyler’s voice was quiet.

“Yeah sure, and I don’t have ADHD.” He scoffed, _that’s probably why he couldn’t sit still then._ “They don’t throw people into an ED clinic if they don’t have an eating disorder.”

“They’re wrong.” Tyler was certain they had misdiagnosed him.

“Then why aren’t you eating?” Brendon was smirking now.

“I’m not hungry, I also don’t like eating in front of people.” 

“He’s anorexic. Displays the classic signs of anorexia, I mean look at him. His wrists are so thin you could snap them just by holding onto it. He’s also wearing a baggy shirt probably so that he feels like he has more room to hide his none existent fat.” 

“Brendon stop. You know we aren’t supposed to talk about this type of stuff outside of therapy.” Wow Tyler’s roommate was actually sticking up for him. But that made Tyler feel sick, earlier ‘J’ had said he didn’t like Tyler despite the fact they had only just met.

Tyler pushed his tray away and stood up to leave.

“You can’t go anywhere without eating.” Was his roommate really concerned for him?

“I don’t want it.” Tyler turned and left the cafeteria, he didn’t care if he got into trouble for not eating. He didn’t want to be there anymore, he needed to just go back to his room and cry.

He closed the door behind him and just collapsed to the floor with his head resting against the door. The tears just flowed, he couldn’t even push the overwhelming emotions down, he had no control over himself in the time he spent on the floor.

He heard knocking on the door so he rushed up and crawled under his covers where he tried to muffle his sobs as the door was opened and somebody entered the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn Tyler you’ve been there a solid hour and you’re already hated 
> 
> Basically Tyler is a projection of myself in this  
> Also that Forest reference though
> 
> Next time on ‘I’m venting because I need help’  
> Ty’s first group therapy session


	3. Therapy Is Boring

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Group therapy can suck a dick

The foot steps get louder as they approached Tyler’s bed. He was freaking out and maybe he stopped breathing for a few seconds as he started having an internal freak out over possibly getting caught crying.

The steps stopped right next to his bed and then someone sat down on his bed and placed their hand on the covers that were over his head. Tyler had his back to the person sat there since he was facing the wall.

Ever so slowly the covers were pulled back and Tyler squeezed his eyes shut tightly. He didn’t want to know who had just caught him crying in his room after fleeing the cafeteria. After the covers were pulled all the way off of Tyler and then lifted up, he felt the person shift and then they lay down behind him. Spooning him and wrapping their arm around his stomach and pulling him closer, away from the wall and into the warm chest.

Tyler still doesn’t know who’s in his room because he’s too afraid to look. He doesn’t want this person to hate him as well. So instead he just lays there with his eyes closed, pulled tightly against someone’s chest. He feels one of the arms around him move up to his head and a hand starts to run through his hair. It’s comforting and causes him to drift off to sleep.

||-//

When Tyler wakes up he notices that his body feels lighter. The presence of the person that made him fall asleep is no longer there, which is pretty disappointing because he really wanted to know who it was.

Tyler turned around in bed to see that his roommate ‘J’ was sitting on his own bed listening to music with his iPod. Tyler decided to ignore him and grabbed his notebook and a pen, he started writing. He wrote anything that came to mind, the words he wrote always turned into a story made up out of poetry.

About half an hour later his roommate was standing up and getting ready to leave for somewhere. Just as he got to the door he turned.

“Aren’t you coming?” He had a look of disgust in his face as he spoke to Tyler.

“Where?” Tyler was slightly confused to say the least.

“We have group now.” _Oh okay that made sense_. Tyler stood up as well and got ready quickly, he hid his notebook under his pillow.

The walk to group was extremely awkward as Tyler trailed behind his roommate trying to keep as far away from his as possible as to not upset him. When they got to the room they were in there was a group of people stood outside, probably waiting to be let in.

But as soon as the doors were opened everyone flooded inside, _who would have thought they’d actually want to talk about their problems?_  Tyler slowly followed everyone inside and found a place to sit.

“Okay then. So today we have a new patient so we’ll start off simple today. My name is Aaron and we’ll each go around saying our names and why were here.” The person sat on Aaron’s right was the first to go.

“I’m Pete and I’m here because I have to be.” Aaron didn’t look pleased by that response but didn’t say anything on it. Tyler recognised the next person to go though.

“I’m Brendon, I’m here because Clarissa forced me.” Tyler had no idea who Clarissa was.

“I’m Patrick and I really want to leave.” Aaron opened his mouth to speak but before he could say anything the next person spoke.

“I’m Dallon and I was told that if I want to finally get out of here I had to attended group.” The next person to go was Tyler’s roommate, he desperately wanted to know his name.

“I’m Josh, I’m here for no reason, this is optional for me.” _‘Josh’_ Tyler liked that name it was beautiful, but the person with it was not. _Okay maybe in looks but his personality certainly wasn’t._

“I’m Ryan and I almost died.” Aaron looks like he wants to speak but doesn't.

“I’m Mikey, I’m here because my brother is.”

“I’m Gerard, I’m here because my brother is.” Tyler suspected they were both brothers since they turned to look at each other and cracked a smile.

“I’m Frank and I just wanna be close with my boyfriend.” He grabs onto Gerard’s hand and brings it to his lips placing a kiss onto the back of it.  _Ah so this is one of those relationships Jenna had mentioned._  And finally it was Tyler’s turn.

“I’m Tyler and umm I was forced to come here.” Everyone is looking at Tyler in disgust. _Great they hate that I’m not skinny enough or ill enough to be here._

“Okay, so now that introductions are out of the way we’ll start off with how you’re feeling. Let’s start with Tyler since you’re new here. How did you feel when you were told you had an eating disorder?” _Wow Aaron leaves no prisoner behind._

“I don’t have an eating disorder, everyone is just lying to me.” Tyler keeps his eyes on the floor, he didn’t want to see the judgmental looks.

“And why do you feel like they are lying to you?”

“Because it isn’t a bad thing to want to get better at basketball and focus all your time onto it, keeping count of calories is what professional athletes do and skipping a few meals with the family won’t hurt as long as I have something after I’ve finished making 500 baskets in a row everyday.”

“Tyler, there’s a difference between you and a professional. Professionals have a nutritionist telling them what to eat, how much to eat and when to eat. And it’s good to want to get better at something you love but obsessing over it and pushing yourself to make 500 shots everyday without missing is when you need to take a step back and realise that what you’re doing is damaging, especially if that means you’re missing meals in order to do it.” Tyler just nods, he wasn’t really listened to what Aaron was talking about, he was too busy being inside his own head.

A new person starts to speak indicating that Aaron had moved on from Tyler and that’s when he fully zoned out until the end of the session when they can all head back to their rooms or off to the Rec room for some free time.

Tyler decides that he’d much rather be alone so he heads off to his room to hopefully try and sleep before it’s time for dinner. This day has been far to exhausting and emotionally draining. Tyler crawls into bed and pulls the covers up again, just as he’s drifting off he hears his room door opening and closing and then feels the covers being pulled back again before a warm body is being pressed against his back with arms snaking around to his stomach again.

Tyler fakes being asleep and turns around in the persons arms and buries his head into the persons neck, he opens his eyes ever so slightly and catches a glimpse of beautiful blue hair and instantly knows who it is. But he doesn’t care, he just closes his eyes again and drifts off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awwwh it’s kinda cute in this chapter  
> Also I know it’s been awhile but uni life sucks sometimes
> 
> Has anyone guessed who the person with blue hair is?  
> And why I still haven’t described what Josh looks like?


	4. Meeting Girls

When Tyler woke up for dinner he was alone in his bed again, it was a disappointment to say the least. He missed the comforting touch of the person that has held him twice in one day as he sleeps.

He gets out of bed and pulls his hoodie off of his body, he looks over to Josh’s side of the room to find it vacant, he’s glad because his roommate is vile towards him. So he just decides to head out and off to the cafeteria, he probably won’t eat again. It doesn’t seem like anyone noticed earlier when he just walked out without touching his meal, so maybe he can get away with it again.

He grabs his tray and heads to an empty table hoping it’s not the same one as last time since that encounter with Brendon and Josh wasn’t a fun one. 

“Hey cutie.” Tyler looks up to see a girl with bright orange hair and stood behind her is a girl with blue hair, it’s duller and more faded than what he saw earlier.

“Umm... hi.” Tyler has never been good at social interactions so he comes across as awkward. 

“I’m Hayley and this is Ashley, can we sit with you.” It’s more of statement than a question because before Tyler can answer the girls are already sitting down next to him.

“You’re new right?” Ashley is the one to ask.

“Umm... yeah, I just got here today.” Tyler begins pushing the food around on his plate.

“Damn that’s a rough day. I heard that the boys had group therapy today too. It always sucks to have group before having individual.” Hayley smiles sweetly at him.

“Umm... yeah and my roommate is a piece of shit.” Oops he didn’t mean to say that.

“You’re sharing with Josh, right? Well of course you are since he was the only guy left without a roommate.” They seem to know a lot about the boys side of the building.

“Is this your first time in recovery? I’ve been in and out of six different places.” Ashley seemed to flaunt this fact. _This is one of the things girls are competitive about._

“This is my 8th time, but I’ve been to way more places I think around eleven.” This is a competition. The girls get so engrained one upping each other that they don’t notice Tyler standing to leave. 

As he’s walking out the cafeteria he catches a glimpse of beautiful blue hair and he can’t help the little smile that takes over his face as he walks back to his room for another napping session.

||-//

He wakes up close to an hour later to warm arms wrapped around his body and light breathing against the nape of his neck. He knows exactly who it is without needing to turn around, but he does so anyway because he enjoys burying his face into the crook of the other persons neck and breathing in their scent.

It isn’t long before he’s drifting off to sleep again and a light kiss being pressed against his fluffy brown hair is the last thing he remembers before darkness takes over him again. He sleeps throughout the rest of the night, in the warm comforting embrace of the beautiful blue haired person in his bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry it took so long to update this  
> Also sorry it’s so short 
> 
> Next chapter is weigh ins and Ty’s individual therapy


	5. You Don’t Know Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning  
> Mental breakdown  
> Talk of weight 
> 
> This is kind of a long one

Tyler wakes with a start as he feels the person he fell asleep with shift against him, Tyler normally never wakes up in the morning before the other person does so he’s not sure how to go about the situation. He could fake being asleep or he could simply get out of bed, the latter option didn’t seem like a good idea though because he knew that the other person didn’t want their identity to be found out by him which is why they always snuck into his bed when they thought he was sleeping.

Sadly he doesn’t really have time to think of many options as the beautiful blue aired person opens their eyes and looks directly into his. _Oops caught, well it’s not too bad._

“Shit.” _Nope it’s bad._ “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” _Well that’s rude._

“Hey I’m not the one that snuck into someone else’s bed when they were sleeping.” _Not bad Tyler, but this situation is still bad._

“Fuck you dude. This isn’t my fault, I’m not the fucked up one that can’t admit to having an eating disorder when all the signs are obvious already.” _Wow hard hit, fucking asshole._

“That’s because I don’t have an eating disorder, everyone who has said that to me is a fucking liar.” Tyler feels like he’s on the verge of crying, this asshole doesn’t even know a single thing about him besides his name.

“You know what, fuck you.” And with that the blue haired person was storming out of the room. Tyler could feel the onset of everything crashing down around him, his mind was screaming at him, his lungs were begging for breath and his throat was burning as he let out scream after scream.

The nurses must have heard him because someone is rushing into his room and calling his name, they want him to calm down. But he can’t, his mind is breaking on him and he doesn’t know how to stop it. Everything hurts and when he’s pulled against the nurses chest it’s the first time he feels like he’s suffocating in someone else’s hold. When he was in the embrace of the blue haired beauty he felt safe and calm, but right now he thinks he might be dying. 

He screams even louder, he’s calling out a name but his ears are ringing too much for him to be able to understand what he’s saying. Tyler is struggling against the tight grip that the nurse has on him until he is being forcefully ripped away from their grip and pulled into a warm chest and comforting arms. He knows these arms, he knows this warmth. He’s safe now, that’s all that matters.

He gets his breathing under control as he listens to the heartbeat inside of the other persons chest, whilst a comforting hand glides through his hair effortlessly in an attempt to sooth him faster and unsurprisingly it works. 

Tyler wraps his arms around the other persons neck as they tell the nurse to leave and not come back. He buries his face into their neck and starts to cry in ugly sobs, his throat is so hoarse from all the screaming that it hurts even more and he feels like he’s going to be sick if he continues. 

“Shh it’s okay I’ve got you, you’re safe now. I won’t let them hurt you darling I promise.” The words are so sweet that Tyler melts at them, he is chocolate and this person is fire. 

The person keeps whispering calming words into his ear until he’s finally stopped crying. 

“Come on, weigh ins are in 10 minutes and you can’t be late.” Tyler is helped up off the floor and a hand is firmly placed in his as he’s being led to the room that weigh ins are taking place in. 

“I don’t need to be here so you’ll be all on your own, but I’m sure you’ll be fine.” Tyler looks up at the blue haired person and nods, in this light their eyes are beautiful and Tyler can’t distinguish the reason why but they look flecked with gold and a burning amber hidden deep within, he wishes he could just drown in those colors forever.

The person leans down and presses a light kiss onto Tyler’s head before releasing his hand and heading off to their room to wait for breakfast.

Tyler sits down on the floor in the corridor like everyone else around him to wait for his name to be called. It doesn’t take long for the last person to come out, Tyler is freaking out he got weighed in the hospital and is still convinced that the scales were broken so he isn’t sure if these will be broken too.

“Tyler Joseph.” When the nurse calls his name he stands up and heads into the room. 

“How are you feeling today Tyler?” Tyler hates small talk so he doesn’t reply.

“You’ll need to strip down to your underwear since we can’t afford to add any clothing weight.” Tyler looks alarmed at what she said but complies anyway, he doesn’t want to be reprimanded. 

“Do you want to see your weight or would you rather not know?” Tyler doesn’t answer again and just steps onto the scales facing toward them.

“Okay. So it looks like you’ve lost more weight since being here Tyler. When you were weighed in the hospital you were 84 pounds you’re currently 80 pounds.” Tyler looks at her with disinterest and steps off to put his clothes back on.

Tyler left the room before the nurse could say anything more on the matter. As he was heading back to his room to get ready for breakfast his mind started swirling, the scales were even more wrong than the ones at the hospital. 

He wasn’t 80 pounds, 90 maybe but definitely not 80. They had to be wrong, there was nothing wrong with him he was just a little bit underweight. 

When he got back to his room Jenna was was waiting outside of the door.

“Ah Tyler, I assume you just got back from your weigh in. I just wanted to let you know that you have individual therapy at 10am, I’ll be back to pick you up 5 minutes before your appointment.” Tyler nods and heads into his room dismissing the rest of the conversation.

Tyler flops down onto his bed, he doesn’t want to be here. He doesn’t even need to be here, there’s nothing wrong with him. 

He doesn’t get up to go to breakfast he stays in bed and quietly sobs into his pillow, he seems to be doing that a lot lately. He hears a knock on the door and he gets up to answer it, he sees Jenna standing there and remembers she mentioned about coming to pick him up for therapy. 

She leads him to his therapists office and leaves him sitting on the chair outside, he’s reminded of the time in high school he got sent to the principles office for throwing a basketball at someone’s face out of anger because they mentioned his weight.

“You must be Tyler Joseph, it’s nice to meet you. Please do come in.” Tyler stands up and heads into the office. 

“My name is Dr Laura Keysworth, but you can just call me Laura and I’ll be you individual therapist whilst you are in treatment here. Everything you discuss here will be confidential and won’t be brought up to anyone outside of this room.” Tyler nods at the information, he realises he hasn’t spoken a word since his mental breakdown. 

“Now is there anything you’d like to discuss? I was informed you had a breakdown in your room today, do you want to talk about why?” Tyler doesn’t know why, it just happened so he shakes his head.

“Okay. Do you want to talk about how your first weigh in went since coming here? I had it sent to me during breakfast so that we could discuss it, if you felt comfortable enough to.” Tyler doesn’t want to talk about how broken the scales are here, since they’re worse than the ones at the hospital. He merely shakes his head again in response.

“Tyler. I know that talking in therapy is very difficult but you need to at least say something, I can’t help you get better if you don’t.” Tyler grits his teeth and clenches his hands, he doesn’t need to get better because he’s perfectly fine. Laura sighs and writes a few things down.

“Why don’t we talk about your roommate? Do you like him?” Tyler doesn’t respond, he doesn’t even shake or nod his head. He just stands up and leaves the room to head back to his own. He can faintly hear Laura calling his name in the distance to have him come back but he just ignores her and continues walking to his room. 

He can already tell it’s going to be a long day. When he gets back to his room he notices the blue haired person sitting on his bed and just walks over to them and flops against them pushing them down onto the bed. He curls up on top of them and starts crying again, he just wants to sleep. Arms wrap around him and a hand goes to his hair as light kisses are placed on his forehead. The other person doesn’t speak and he’s grateful for that, he eventually relaxes to the point that he’s falling asleep again. The gorgeous blue haired person doesn’t seem fazed in the slightest as they mearly roll them both onto their sides and pulls a blanket up over the top of them both and then Tyler’s world is consumed by darkness as he drifts off into a peaceful sleep with a loving embrace around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s been awhile  
> Can Tyler stop denying he has a problem 
> 
> Would you look at that 5 chapters in and we still don’t know who the blue haired person is  
> The big reveal will come soon, but will it be soon enough  
> I guess we’ll find out at some point 
> 
> Next chapter  
> Back to group


	6. Wanting Bones To Rip Flesh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning  
> Purging  
> Body dysmorphia

Tyler realises he sleeps a lot, all he’s done since getting here is sleep and go to therapy. He hasn’t even eaten yet, but when he wakes up from his nap with his blue haired angel he’s told that they have group that they need to get to. Tyler slowly starts getting everything he needs for group, he’s decided that he’s going to take his journal with him because it gets boring listening to people speak for an hour.

When him and his blue haired angel leave Tyler’s room, they walk slowly down to the room group is held in. They arrived just as everyone else was being let in, they took their seats and that’s when Aaron started speaking.

“Okay so I want to start off with Josh today. You recently got a roommate, how do you feel about not being alone now?” Tyler looks up to Josh, he’s never really taken in his features before but he’s incredibly beautiful. His eyes are a mocha brown that glow in the fluorescent lights, his hair is fluffy and curls at the top coming down to frame his face just right, he has a nose ring in his perfectly sculpted nose and he has a kaleidoscope of colors on his right arm forming a beautiful tree tattoo with a galaxy on the shoulder.

“Well he’s annoying most of the time, he cries a lot and he’s whiny. I don’t mind the company though, it’s been a while since I last had a roommate so it’s a new experience all over again.” Aaron gives Josh a look that tells him to stop saying mean things about his roommate, who is also in the room.

“Okay then, now let’s move onto Tyler. You’ve been here for a couple days now, do you want to talk about anything that you’d be comfortable sharing with us today.” Tyler stares straight into Aaron’s eyes but doesn’t say a word, he’s hoping his blue haired angel won’t question him when they leave. Tyler still hasn’t spoken since his breakdown earlier that day, his mind has been rattling wanting him to speak but the words just won’t come.

“Moving on then, Patrick how have you been feeling these past few days?” Aaron moves on quickly after understanding that Tyler isn’t going to speak no matter how much he’s asked.

Tyler decides to spend the rest of group doodling and writing little phrases in his journal, he connects the phrases he’s wrote down and puts them into an order.

_Entertain my faith  
Entertain my faith_

_Lean with it, rock with it_  
_When we gonna stop with it?_  
_Lyrics that mean nothing_  
_We were gifted with thought_

_Is it time to move our feet_  
_To an introspective beat_  
_It ain't the speakers that bump hard_  
_It's our hearts that make the beat_

It isn’t long before group is ending and everyone is heading off to their rooms to get ready for dinner.

“Hey Tyler wait.” Tyler turns to see Josh heading towards him. Tyler tilts his head at Josh. “I’ve been told by your therapist that I have to watch you eat, since I’m your roommate I have a sort of responsibility for you.” He’s not sure how true that is.

Tyler looks at Josh with a shocked expression but decides to just go with it. He’s mad at him for what he said in group though but he isn’t going to bring it up. They walk back to their room in silence, when they get there Tyler takes his hoodie off then walks over to the bathroom to pull his shirt up and look in the mirror.

His ribs are protruding in a sickly manner and his hip bones obtrude out of his skin, sharp enough to rip at his flesh that is stretched so thin along the bones. He’s unnerved looking at his body, seeing the way his skin clings to excess body fat and razor sharp bones. He’s disgusted by the way he looks but can’t help but to wish he has less fat and less skin, he wants to see his bones. It’s a waste to have all this meat and not enough bone.

“You shouldn’t do that y’know.” Tyler looks up into the mirror to see Josh standing in the doorway to the bathroom. “It isn’t healthy, I know what you’re thinking right now and you need to stop.” Tyler breaks eye contact with Josh in the mirror and looks back down at his stomach before dropping his shirt and turning around to face Josh.

He looks up into his eyes seeing that mocha brown color glistening in the light revealing a hidden burning deep within them.

“Come on we need to get to the cafeteria. And by the way if you skip one more meal you’ll have a feeding tube. They keep track of everyone’s meals, so they know that you’ve skipped all of yesterday’s and two from today’s.” Tyler gives Josh a look of fear and starts violently shaking his head, he doesn’t want another feeding tube shoved down his throat.

“You best eat then, come on.” Tyler all but rushes out of their room after Josh, he isn’t too sure if Josh is messing with him. But considering the fact he’s in an eating disorder recovery clinic he’d guess that it’s probably something that they’ll end up doing to certain patients.

||-//

Tyler doesn’t end up eating everything on his plate, he only has a spoonful of mash potato and three pieces of carrot before he feels like he’s going to throw up. He hasn’t eaten solid food in almost a week so now that he has it’s making him feel worse.

When Josh walks him back to their room Tyler is rushing towards the bathroom. He’s never purged before but his body isn’t giving him the choice with this one, it’s just really not used to having solid food inside of it.

Josh stands in the doorway of the bathroom as Tyler vomits everything in his stomach and when he’s finally done Josh is holding a glass of water to his lips telling him to spit it into the toilet to help get rid of the taste before telling him to drink it after repeating the process a few times.

“You ate more than I thought you would so I’m sure your therapist will be glad. Also I won’t say about you throwing up your food, I don’t want our bathroom to get locked for an hour after each meal time that just sucks balls.” Josh exits the room after he’s done talking, and Tyler is somewhat grateful that Josh won’t say anything even if it is for his own selfish needs.

Tyler decides he just wants to sleep, so he pulls his hoodie back on and curls up under his covers. He feels a familiar presence getting in behind him and that’s when he finally drifts off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What a rollercoaster so far 
> 
> Take a guess at how old Tyler and Josh are in this
> 
> (Edit: I’m not changing Tyler throwing up after each meal, I know this is unrealistic but it’s part of the bonding process between him and Josh. It’s there for a reason, sorry if this upsets anyone.)
> 
> Next time  
> Tyler has a bonding session


	7. Unexpected Bonding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning  
> Brief mention of purging

It’s Wednesday and Tyler’s informed upon waking up that he’s allowed to have an hour phone call with his family. He’s feeling much better today and he can actually speak, so he gets ready and follows Jenna to the little room with phones in. He spots several other people talking on the phone to their family or friends.

He heads over to the phone furthest away from everyone else and dials his moms number.

 _“Hello?”_ His moms voice is just as smooth as he remembers.

“Mom.”

_“Tyler, oh thank goodness you’re calling. I was starting to get worried you never would.”_

“Yeah, we have assigned times on when we can call. It’s an hour a week.”

_“Well I’m glad you’re calling now. I have so much to tell you.”_

“Okay mom, it’s nice to hear your voice though.”

_“It’s nice to hear yours too Tyler. Oh right, so your high school graduation is next week and I know you won’t be able to attend but the school informed us that we can go and pick up your diploma for you after the ceremony has ended.”_

Tyler completely forgot about his graduation, he feels so shitty for not remembering. But after he got hospitalised he didn’t really care about anything.

“Oh okay that’s cool, thanks mom.”

_“Also I’m sorry to say honey but we can’t come this weekend to see you. But next week we don’t have anything to planned so we’ll be coming then.”_

He was sad he’d have to wait an extra week before he could see his family again but he didn’t mind.

“That’s okay mom, don’t worry about it.”

_“I have to go now Tyler, I’ve got to get to work. I’ll speak to you next week, I love you.”_

“I love you too mom.” And with that the conversation had ended.

Tyler got back up after putting the phone down to head back to his room, when he got back to his room he wasn’t expecting loud noises to be drifting through the closed door. He opened it to see Josh at his drum kit hitting it intensely, it looked like he was trying to get all of his anger out. Tyler closed the door and walked over to his bed and grabbing his journal to doodle and write a few more things before it was time for breakfast.

“Fuck!” The loud outburst startled Tyler into looking up from his journal.

“What?” Tyler hates Josh with a burning passion, but Josh also hates Tyler so he’s allowed to be pissed at him for randomly shouting.

“I broke my stick and don’t have anymore.” Josh threw the broken stick at Tyler so Tyler threw it back.

“Tough shit. Now I don’t have to listen to that god awful shit you were playing.” In truth it wasn’t actually shit that Josh was playing, he was really good at the drums.

“Fuck you asshole.” Tyler ignored him and went back to writing in his journal, he was trying to connect more phrases together.

_We’re broken_  
_We’re broken_  
_We’re broken people_  
_We’re broken people_

_I’m standing in front of you_  
_I’m standing in front of you_  
_I’m trying to be so cool_  
_Everything together trying to be so cool_

He also started doodling in the bottom right corner of the page, it was a vulture he put a little arrow next to it with the name Clifford.

“Come on time for breakfast. I still have to watch you eat for the rest of the week.” Tyler stood up and put his journal away and getting ready to go, he followed Josh as they walked to the cafeteria. After getting their food and finding a place to sit Josh decides to start the interrogation.

“So where did you go this morning?”

“I got to call my family.”

“Cool, what did you talk about?”

“My high school graduation is next week and since I can’t go my parents are allowed to pick up my diploma.”

“Dude you’re 18 I thought you were like 12 because you have such a baby face.”

“Fucking asshole, how old are you then?”

“How old do you think I am sweetheart?”

“Ew never call me that again. And I dunno maybe 16-18.” Josh starts to laugh at that.

“I’m 20, I turn 21 soon though.” Tyler’s shocked at that.

“How long have you been here?” Josh puts a hand on his chin like he’s thinking.

“I think around four years maybe.” Tyler stares at Josh with wide eyes and his mouth slightly agape.

“How have you not been released yet?”

“I have been, three times. The first time lasted a week before I was back here again, the second was a little longer just over two weeks and the third was the longest at almost two months. I’ve only been back about a month and a half.” Tyler doesn’t know what to say to that.

“How long has each time that you’ve been here lasted?”

“The first time was fifteen months, the second was eight months and the third was twenty-five months.”

“How long do you think you’ll be here this time?”

“I’m hoping it’ll be however long you’re here for.” Josh winks at him after saying that.

“Yeah right, I hope you leave soon.” Josh just laughs before getting serious again.

“So I know what it’s like to miss your graduation, heck I didn’t even make it to senior year before I got admitted.”

“What is your eating disorder anyway?”

“I have orthorexia, meaning that I only eat food that I consider healthy. Which might not sound bad but let me tell you it’s so much worse than what you might think.”

“When I was in the hospital some doctors said I have anorexia and others said I have EDNOS, they came to the conclusion that it was the latter. I don’t believe either of them to be true.”

“Well from what I’ve heard from you in group therapy you get obsessed easily, you became obsessed with basketball. Being obsessed with exercise starts to fall into an eating disorder regime, that caused you to skip meals too but you weren't focusing on becoming thinner which is what anorexia entails. But you showed signs of it which lead to the conclusion that you have EDNOS.” Tyler is back to openly gaping at Josh.

“How could you get to that conclusion from the little things I’ve said?”

“The longer you’re in here the more you start to observe other people and pick apart the things that make up their eating disorder.”

“Oh, I understand that.”

“Also you haven’t eaten anything and we aren’t leaving until you finish a slice of toast. Even if it does make you throw up afterwards.” Tyler looked from Josh down to his plate of food, he started to glare at it like it had just killed his whole family before he picks up a piece of toast and takes a bite out of it.

He feels himself gag as he swallows it and then repeats the process until the whole piece is gone and he’s pushing his plate away and shaking his head after downing all of his drink.

“Let’s go then, you did well. Do you feel like it’s going to come back up?” Tyler nods as he follows Josh out the cafeteria. “When was the last time you ate solid food aside from today and yesterday?”

“Four days before I was admitted into hospital and that was the Saturday before the one that’s just gone.”

“I’m guessing you were tubed whilst being in the hospital.” Tyler nods again as they approach their room. He rushes into the bathroom and starts heaving before he feels his breakfast start to come back up, he doesn’t stop until it’s all out.

Josh hands him a glass of water and he does the same thing as yesterday before he decides to brush his teeth to finish getting rid of the taste of vomit from his mouth. Once he’s done he chooses not to sleep and instead write more phrases into his journal and doodle some more, he looks over to Josh’s side of the room every now and then to see what he’s doing. But aside from that the day is pretty uneventful, until it’s back to group.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I could bore you with more group therapy in the next chapter  
> But I think instead I’ll finally tell you who the blue haired person is  
> Maybe, I haven’t decided yet
> 
> Also I don't have orthorexic so I can't comment on it that much, this is purely just what I've read on the internet  
> And the reason Tyler has been sleeping so much is because he has nothing in his system so he's got no energy to do anything aside from sleep all day 
> 
> Up next is  
> Tyler is unable to think for himself


End file.
